I spent yesterday afternoon drinking wine with a friend (let's call her "Stepherino") watching Juno. It was the third time I've seen it and I think I was more teary eyed (from the movie) and bleary eyed (from the wine) than the first two times I'd seen it. It's an exceptional moving picture and Ellen Page is great as a teenager (Juno) trying to decide what to do when she finds herself unexpectedly pregnant. The film was extremely well cast and I found myself drawn in by all the characters but without a doubt she steals the show.
I've never been married (been close a couple of times but apparently that only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades) and I don't have any children. Most of the time I don't think about it and it doesn't bother me but her character made me feel like I missed something by not ever having kids of my own and sharing the challenge of parenting. What makes it even more frustrating at these times is that I think I would have made a pretty good Dad (it's never too late but it's the third period with not much time on the clock). I started to wonder... Do we choose our path in life or no matter how hard we try does our path choose us, and our lives just seem destined to go a certain way... not that I believe in destiny... or maybe I do. It's hard to explain but last year when I was watching American Idol the thought crossed my mind, "Somewhere it must be written (for lack of a better word) the outcome of this contest... the winner already decided no matter what the efforts of the the other contestants...
Deep... really deep....
And then I can take some comfort in my old friend Metallica... I've only played this song eleven million times...
1 comment:
You can't really miss what you ain't got, or don't have, or never had?! I used to have a friend that would cause me to question myself, much to my chagrin. Every year she would ask if I was “lonely”(!!??) First I had little kids hanging off my jeans; their friends tearing in and out of the house, ball, library, park; the same thing when they were big, never mind listening to my jr high students all day long. She couldn't understand that sometimes quiet + a good book were wonderful. But it made me second-guess myself-- should I have dated? Would my kids have turned out as well as they did if I hadn't as spent as much time exclusively on them? Did I do myself a disservice by spending 20 years alone? It seems like years flew by. You can't go back in time... (and you know darn well we really ARE 20 years younger than we are, aren't we?!)... Anyway, you don't seem like a person depressed about it... you seem to have an interesting sense of humor, fine appreciation for a variety of physical and natural things (not just for liquor—sorry, I just had to throw that in there--grin!), you have buddies and friends, you aren't a recluse, you're worldly and knowledgeable, on and on (sorry, I had a succinct paragraph written in my head while I went for a walk, but it disappeared). Ah, who am I to talk and what do I know! Later, BD
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