Monday, March 30, 2009

Top Ten Bad Conversation Starters...


  10. "Spare any change?"

   9. "Does this look infected to you?"

   8. "I just escaped from the asylum for the criminally insane, can you hide me out for a couple of days?"
        
   7. "Pull my finger."

   6. "Did you just fart or do you always smell that way?"

   5. "I just attended my first meeting of Cannibals Anonymous."

   4. "Watchtower or Awake?"

   3. "Hold me."

   2. "I eat my own hair."

   1. " Nickelback is my favorite band, you?"

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I'm Certainly No Music Writer But Here Goes...


    Steve, Stephanie and I got into one of our musical discussions last weekend where we all sort of talk at once to try to get our tastes/opinions down each others throat~ kind of like discussing religion and politics. 

     This particular conversation was about the influence of reggae/ska on popular music which I remember hearing first in The Clash classics; Police and Thieves, Bank Robber and Pressure Drop. The Police, UB40, Madness and The Specials drew upon this influence as well. Elvis Costello had a hit with the reggae tinged "Watching The Detectives" and actually produced The Specials definitive debut album, with "Rudy Can't Fail". I don't think it ever charted as a single but Joe Jackson's Fools in Love was a great reggae flavoured tune off of his first album, Look Sharp.
   
    The one little known band that was greatly influenced by reggae music is The Slits, fronted by lead singer Ari Up who backed up The Clash on their 1977 White Riot tour along with The Buzzcocks (one of the great British bands)...


    


    I was pleased to find out that the first song the Slits played in practice was Blitkrieg Bop by the Ramones~ Ari Up, an artist and original...love the lid.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Not That It Really Matters...

   ...and I could probably Google it if cared that much but whatever happened to...







I think a lot of males used the last one for the "Two Minute Workout."

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Canadiana...

    

    Today would have been the 82nd birthday of William "Bashin Bill" Barilko-- a fascinating story in Canadian sport history made popular in the song Fifty-Mission Cap by the Tragically Hip...

"...Bill Barilko disappeared that summer,
he was on a fishing trip.
The last goal he ever scored
won the Leafs the cup.
They didn't win another until 1962,
the year he was discovered.
I stole this from a hockey card,
I keep tucked up under
My fifty-mission cap..."


     During the summer following Barilko's April 21, 1951 Stanley Cup winning goal against the Montreal Canadiens, the 24-year-olds plane crashed in Cochrane, Ontario. His body could not be immediately located in the dense Northern Ontario brush, and when the World Champion Leafs experienced an 11 year losing streak in a six team league, some suspected a curse.

     Barilko's remains were discovered by a pilot on June 7, 1962. The Toronto Maple Leafs had won the Stanley Cup earlier that year, and would be the last team to hoist the original mug. The cup was retired to the Hockey Hall of Fame and replaced by an updated version during the off season.

     The fifty-mission cap reference is actually the peaked uniform cap, not the leather flying helmet, of Allied airmen of the World War Two period...

     Gord Downie (lead singer of The Hip) actually did learn about the story from a hockey card...



    Who says rock 'n' roll can't learn me sumpthin'...

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Olden Days...

     There's an application on facebook that allows you to post your five favorite albums, songs, movies, TV shows, etc. One of my friends had posted her favorite movies and one of them happened to be... 

     ...I can't imagine this is on many Top Tens.

   Never being much of a Lucille Ball fan there is one hilarious scene in this that made it memorable and seeing that poster took me back to the days of the Saturday afternoon matinee at the Dolphin theater in North Burnaby. It was just one screen then and since has been split into two where you can view first run films for cheap-- now it's a cinema...


     When I was a kid, my Grandpa used to give me $1.25 allowance every Saturday--Mom didn't believe in allowance for some reason, I guess she felt I had to earn my money. Anyway, admission to the theater was 35 cents for an average film like the one above (or Martin and Lewis, Don Knotts...I can't remember any others now) and 50 cents for bigger movies like Planet of the Apes, James Bond double features (Thunderball and To Russia With Love...awesome!), 2001- A Space Odyssey and The Andromeda Strain. I'd also buy popcorn for a dime and a box of either Strawberry Twizzlers, Cherry Nibs or Licorice Goodies depending on my ever-changing mood. For some reason I never remember buying pop but I know Mom wouldn't let me drink Coke--probably afraid I was going to get caught.

    After what seemed like an eternity the curtain would rise for the opening cartoon and the screen would be assaulted with a barrage of empty containers and cups, with the anxious throng cheering, whistling and blowing into empty candy boxes (they made that "honking" sound). Loved those matinees, had my first "date" there (at least I thought it was), my friends and I would start a laughing uncontrollably about something and the usher (a "teenager") would separate us all to different parts of the theater...nuthin' but good times.

   Talk about heaven when the first McDonalds in North Burnaby opened right across the street from the theater. The occasional Saturday Mom and Dad would be heading out on the town for an "evening" so that meant I'd get an extra 50 cents for a couple of hamburgers-- dinner wasn't going to be on the table and I would get to stay over at Grandma's house...now that's what I call livin' the dream. 

Saturday, March 21, 2009

My Girl...

    Call me a sap but I watched such a cute movie on Bravo this morning called My Girl, starring Dan Ackroyd, Jamie Lee Curtis and Anna Chlumsky (easy for you to say) as an the 11 year old hypochondriac, Vada--she stole the show. If you ever want a feel good movie for a rainy Sunday afternoon, curled up on the couch with a bag of Smartfood and a bottle of wine, this one is it. WARNING! This clip contains a spoiler-- actually the title contains the spoiler but, whatever...

I'm Not Much Of A Joke Teller...

...but I thought this was funny...

video

Friday, March 20, 2009

Another Trip To...

  Everything Wine...

    These four were chosen from the "Top Ten" and "Recommends" section. I've never tried any of them before but it's wine for crying out loud, how bad can it be?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I Was Shocked To Read This In The Province Today...


   "Chrysler is asking the union to help it cut all-in hourly labour costs for active and retired workers from the current $76 an hour Cdn to $57 an hour, the level Toyota Manufacturing Canada pays its workers, people familiar with the matter said yesterday."

   Are you freaking kidding me? Auto workers make $76 an hour!? I must have had my head buried in the sand somewhere all these years. No wonder it costs $30,ooo for a piece of crap automobile. And of course the "union" wasn't interested in making full concessions in these times. I say, "Shut 'em down." When things slow down in the construction trades (of which I'm a member) our wages always reflect economic conditions, good or bad. I simply can not wrap my pea-brain around $76 an hour (probably plus all benefits and pensions) for a factory job-- and I'm all for people earning a decent living. Great work if you can get it I guess.

Sex For One?

     There's rarely a day that I don't walk down to the Lonsdale Quay and back. It's about 4 miles and takes me a little under an hour unless I hang around the market and people watch for a bit...  




    There's a "Love Shop" in the Quay and one day I saw a this book in the window (suuurre you only saw it in the "window")...

     I  wouldn't have thought people needed a book written by somebody else to figure this out...but what do I know?

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Here's Something To Think About...

  How come you never see a newspaper headline like...

Monday, March 16, 2009

Emoticons...

     Pretty much every one has all used the "emoticon" at one time or another when texting or e-mailing. You know those symbols we type in to convey mood,   ;~)    :~(  . They have actually pinpointed the exact moment the first one was used. --and who hasn't had the crap scared out of them when one of these stupid smileys start yelling at you while surfing the intro-web...

     Anyhoo, a friend gave me a sheet of paper on the weekend that said, "How about some ASSICONS." Nothing too hilarious but I did find them mildly amusing...

   (_!_)  a regular ass.

   (__!__) a wide ass.

   (!) a tight ass.

   (_*_) a sore ass. (I thought this one bore the closest resemblance to the real thing).

   {_!_} a flubby ass. (my word, it was actually a swishy ass--what does that even mean? But then what's "flubby"?).

   (_o_) an ass that's been around.

   (_x_)  kiss my ass.

   (_X_)  leave my ass alone.

   (_zzz_) a tired ass.

   (_E=mc2_) a smart ass.

   (_$_) money coming out of his ass.

   (_?_) dumb ass.

   I kind of thought they should be called be called "ASSTERICKS" Get it? A play on asterisk...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I Have This Facebook Friend...

   ...and I'm not sure how or why, I don't even know her... but she has the greatest bangs of all time...

Further Proof That Popular Music Is In The Shitter...

   Where are bands like this?


Friday, March 13, 2009

"LOL"...

video

Strange Facts Known By Few...


~The most used letter in the English alphabet is ‘E’, and ‘Q’ is the least used.

~Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel, “Gadsby”, which contains over 50,000 words--none of them with the letter E! (this one really amazes me, how could that even be possible?)

~Of all the words in the English language, the word "set" has the most definitions.

~In the U.S. there are 18 doctors called Dr. Doctor, and one called Dr. Surgeon. There is also a dermatologist named Dr. Rash, a psychiatrist called Dr. Couch and an anesthesiologist named Dr. Gass.

~The only words with all the vowels listed in order are facetiously and abstemiously.

~The only word with all the vowels in reverse order is subcontinental.

~Dan Johnson has too much time on his hands--but you probably already knew that.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

What A Way To Start The Day...


      I was just awakened by a most disturbing dream. The last true love of my life (whom I haven't much contact with in years) had asked me if I wanted to go to an Anglican church (Catholic lite) with her--she was never a church-goer so it seemed weird her asking me. We arrived through the front doors and were just about to take our seats near the back of the church (why are pews so damn uncomfortable anyway) when this younger lady wearing a hat and a long black coat immediately asked me if I wanted to contribute a little money. I said, "No" and thought to myself, "I don't have any change on me but I probably wouldn't have given you any anyway." I was already starting to feel a disconnect and more than a little irritated--I just wanted to take my seat and get this over with. (I remember going to church years ago and always feeling totally uncomfortable with being forced to greet complete strangers during the start of the service. Although the Anglican church I attended never did that, it was more a "born again" deal). 

   For some reason it was difficult to get into my seat and my "date" had disappeared, off socializing-- I was on my own. It was all I could do to keep myself from making eye contact with anybody but fortunately at this point it wasn't very busy and then the Lonsdale Psycho appeared. He this kind of a nut-job I try to avoid on my daily walk--he always wants to have coffee with me... but me, not so much. The one time I did stop and talk to him he told me he went to the Catholic church up the street so in the dream I wondered why he was doing Anglican. Really trying to avoid eye contact now, this is the last guy I feel like talking to.

   My "date" returns as the service begins and I'm feeling a bit of relief when all of a sudden we're asked to stand up, hold hands and move toward the front of the church, It's fairly packed by now and the parishioners have begun chanting, wailing and moaning, many with their eyes closed and heads turned skyward-- I'm now officially horrified and verging on panic mode. As we inch closer to the pulpit I realize I'm holding hands with her and her sister-in-law as well. She had started attending church a few years ago because of their young daughter--which drove her husband crazy. 

    We're almost to the front when I abruptly break the hand-holding and scream, terrified "THIS IS A BORN AGAIN CHURCH!!" I had to get out there as quickly as possible, I could barely breathe--I felt a spirit at work but it wasn't the holy one. As I tried to leave the sister-in-law grabbed the sleeve of my shirt and asked me where I thought I was going with this demonic look in her black eyes. Now in complete shock, I'm wondering just who the hell she thinks she is hanging onto my sleeve and pleading with me to stay. I break for the front door and feel sweet relief in the sun and warmth outside, it a beautiful day and my first thought is, "I've got to get to the Black Bear for a Caesar and a beer." I check my watch and see that it was now quarter to one in the afternoon and thought,"That's a decent hour for cocktails on a Sunday, especially after what I had just been through." Me...issues with organized religion? Nah, couldn't have... 

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Educate Your Bone-Eater...


     What is it with people and their dogs? They go through the time, effort and expense to acquire one and then take little or no interest in the training and discipline of the poor creature--don't even get me started on the twits that decide on a Rottweiler or a Great Dane in the city (not to mention smaller dog = smaller poops to pick up). It's unusual to see a dog actually heel (a command to a dog to walk close behind its owner, in case you didn't know) and sit when waiting on a light. 

    The reason I bring this up is that I was out for a hike the other day on the Capilano River trail...



    All the signs clearly say that while dogs are in the park they are to be kept on a leash. During the course of my walk I was growled at by a Labrador retriever, nipped at by a German shepherd (both off the leash while the jackass owner has it in their hand) and a couple of other times was confronted by dogs surprising me while running ahead of their owner or sneaking up behind me. Listen, I don't know your dog doesn't bite and I've already had a heart attack by the time you catch up to it to kindly let me know. 
    I love dogs but would never want the responsibility of owning one. All I can say to is," People, for the love of God, train your animals and keep them on a leash when required." There are places around town where they are allowed to run free, use them. And oh yeah, when I got back in my truck afterwards I realized by the stench that I had stepped in dog shit somewhere along the way. If you don't feel like picking it up at least give the turd a kick-- but you probably didn't know it took a crap because you were nowhere near it. 
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