This comment was written in response to a post on drollgirls blog...
My family is pretty much the same. There were no "I love you's" or demonstrations of affection growing up. I don't come from a religious family or anything, it just wasn't done. My Nana used to pinch my cheeks (which I hated) and plant these slobbery wet kisses on me but that was a close as it got...that and,"You know we love guys even though we didn't always show it, don't you?"
I was born on New Years Eve and was at a pub partying on my 20th birthday. I had taken a hit of acid and was "feelin' it" so at midnight decided to call my family and tell them I loved them (this had never happened before), Mom, Dad and Sis. The timing may have not been great but I remember it being well received and at least the "ice" was broken.
I love my folks and I know they love me but the words are never said--I have tried hugging my Mom (couldn't even imagine hugging my Dad) over the years but simply find it too uncomfortable. Occasionally when I visit she tries to sit close to me when showing me some photos or opening presents and although I'm not bitter, I wonder where these displays of affection were growing up when I really needed them.
It's funny, a few weeks ago my Dad's brother and his wife moved back from a long stay in New Zealand and the three of us were talking on the phone. When the conversation ended both my Aunt and Uncle told me they loved me and I returned the sentiment. It felt a little unnerving but I was swept with a sense of warmth and I knew the feelings were heartfelt.
I feel the need to break the ice again as my folks are getting older (obviously) and it bothers me to think of them not being here someday. Mom and Dad are in their mid-seventies and fortunately in pretty good shape so there is still time but I always picture the death bed scenario out of the movies before anything is actually said...but I hope not.
Thanks a lot for your post and as I haven't written about this before you may see this comment on my blog--you've obviously provoked many responses.
Love, Dan..haha!
PS, There are those families that are OVERLY demonstrative in their displays of affection, disguising all the deep-seated emotional problems that lie beneath...
4 comments:
I came over to your blog from Droll Girl's blog because of your response to her I love you post. Our families may not be too similar but I relate to you that you took acid on your 21st bday.
Ha...strawberry mescaline???!!!
I also read drollgirl's blog and almost thought I had wrote it! Yes, that way MY family she was talking about!
was.
not way.
was.
proofread, idiot proofread!
When I was little (pre 12), I remember snuggling up to my mom or being excited when she would get home from work. We got to see our dad on weekends and again, we'd snuggle up with him and watch TV. I'm the 6th out of 7 kids and my oldest brother is 14 years older than I. He just adored me and my little sister and would play and hug us when he came home for a visit. I worshipped my older brothers and sisters and always looked forward to when they came home for Christmas. We were quite demonstrative, but I don't recall a lot of "I love you"s.
'I love you' oddly makes my mom a little uncomfortable to this day. I remember giving her a mushy card one time and it seemed to make her squirm. But, I know she loves me and is very proud of all her kids (except the oldest who has turned out to be a rather angry and mean nutbar. He and I are going to small claims court and has called me every nasty thing in the book. I'm 'dead in his eyes'. This is very Dave behaviour--I just didn't think he'd lash out at me.)
Anywho, I've done a bit of introspective thinking over the years. And despite Dave's behaviour of late, I've got a really great family, even with with our quirks and foibles. I think I was the instigater of saying 'I love you' to the sibs and Mom (Dad passed 20 years ago) which has created a safe environment for everyone to reciprocate their sentiments. It's a rather vulnerable place you put yourself in when you say 'I love you', even with sibs, but I feel that way and we're not overly sentimental about it. We do hug whenever we see each other. And really, I'm really fortunate in what seems to be a rarity, to have such a great family.
Mom is 80 now. I tell her I love her and she appears to be a bit more open to it now. But, I do stuff for her as an expression of love and appreciation for her (like cutting her hair and giving her a pedicure). And of course, we always hug.
I need hugs and fortunately, I have my family and some extra special girlfriends to supply me with this heartfelt gesture.
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