Inland Empire...

   It took me a whole week but I've finally suffered through the most pathetic piece of cinematic crap I've ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes upon... David Lynch's Inland Empire. When I rented the movie I had heard absolutely nothing about it and now I can see why. It was a seven day rental and I joked with the girl at the video store that I'll need a week because it clocks in at a whopping 179 minutes of out and out (I'm using the thesaurus here) nonsense, balderdash, claptrap (good one), twaddle, blather, hogwash, tripe, bilge, piffle and bunkum (I really like those last three).  Apparently it was filmed without a script (gee that didn't show at all) and each scene was written before being directly shot on video. Talking rabbits, a storyline based on a gypsy curse and actresses from the film claiming that long after completion of the project they still had no idea what they were supposed to be playing. Speaking of actresses the only somewhat redeeming factor of the film was the performance of Laura Dern... she basically carried it but at times I almost felt embarrassed for her.

     Most of the movie was filmed in the dark and there were even instructions on how to adjust your TV for a better viewing experience. Maybe it's just me but I've never been a fan of movies I can barely see due to darkness... in this case however, I'd be glad to make an exception. I usually watch movies with the sub-titles on so I don't miss any of the dialogue and when music or action kicks in I don't get blasted out of the room because the volume was raised... I can keep the volume at a reasonable level. To add insult to injury this movie didn't present the option of sub-titles and most of the speaking was so low I couldn't hear it and I found myself begrudgingly adjusting the volume (the soundtrack was kind of cool though) in every scene. 

     At this point you're probably thinking, "You stupid idiot, what the heck did you even finish it for?" That's simple, like a train wreck I couldn't look away and by the time I got halfway through I obviously had to see how it ended, which was badly. Don't get me wrong, I like weird and I like many of David Lynch's films (Elephant Man, Eraserhead, Wild at Heart, Blue Velvet, Mulholland Drive... Mulholland Falls is better) but that is 179 minutes of my life that I can never get back and the video store is phoning me because it's late... to quote B. Diederich... AAAARGH !