I was wasting time early this morning on facebook when one of my friends messaged me asking what I was doing up so early. I've always been an early riser (up at 5 or 5:30 most mornings) until lately I've discovered I like to sleep until 6:30 or so. What jolted me awake prematurely this morning was a nightmare I had about my Dad. In the dream I had framed a bunch of my photos and was entering them in an art show-- I felt proud and was trying to show them to him. I had them spread out on the bed in a room I'd never seen before and he would barely even look at them. Then he started nonchalantly tossing them aside like they were trash. I started yelling at him,"You never cared about me anyway, you never even showed up at any of my games when I was a kid!" Dad looked cold and unconcerned but I felt glad I got it out. Then my eyes snapped open and I couldn't get back to sleep-- those 4AM classics have a way of sticking with you for a while.
This episode made me think later in the day that of all the nightmares I've ever had most of them involved family in some way shape or form. Cell phone calls from the dead, grandparents alive again and me trying to help them or make peace (break old patterns), trips back to my childhood home in the dark basement, Mom glaring at me like she's possessed and lest we forget a cool blue Satan crawling under the covers at the foot of the bed (not that he's an actual family member). Me, deep seated emotional problems? Nah, couldn't have...
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