Sunday Afternoon..

     Sometimes...let me rephrase that, most of the time I feel helpless. Every path leads to another dead end, quashing any hope I may have been building on until hopelessness becomes my reality. It feels at times that my brain is out to get me and as I'm typing this think, "Quit feeling sorry for yourself, it's not that bad." But it is. I know I have plenty of things to be thankful for and maybe I just hate Sundays, I don't know--that's it, I just don't know. Apparently it's always darkest before the dawn...or before a complete blackout. Dad has a saying that goes," I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel and got run over by the train" Hah! I feel so exhausted. I try hobbies, prayer, exercise, talking to friends/therapists but  always lurking is this restless, irritable and discontented feeling that has been there for a lifetime of Sundays that only self medication seems to relieve. There are occasional moments of respite but they seem to be short-lived and I'm left fighting through this general malaise that grips my reality.

     It's now Monday morning and when I went to get my coffee, this was playing in the background. Felt appropriate..