You'll Get Nothing And Like It...

    The other day I tripped over an uneven spot in the sidewalk (never look back when you do that, you look stupid tripping but you look even stupider checking what did it) and that voice appeared in my head, "Pick your feet up." This got me to thinking about all the things my parents said out of love to shape the way I am today. Mom's words were more practical and disciplinary while Dad's leaned  a little more towards the philosophical... so here they are in no particular order starting with Mom's first ( hers seemed to stick better and for the sake of brevity this is just a sample)...

  >  " I don't care if you're forty years old, as long as you're living under our roof you'll live by our rules."

  > " There's plenty of water in the tap... you don't want water ? You can't be that thirsty then."

  > "Look at me when I'm talking to you."

  > "Don't stare at me."

  > "You make a better door than a window."

  > "Close the door, we're not heating all of Burnaby."

  > "Tell me you didn't have three weeks to do this project and it's due tomorrow."

  > "Quit staring at it and just eat it."

  > "You're not so big I won't pull out the yellow ladle." 

  > "Stay out of the living room I just raked the carpet."

  > "Don't cut across the lawn."

  > "You've got it in your hand, just hang it up."

  > "Go to the bathroom if you're going to do that."

  > "What are you doing in there?"


  And here's Dad's...

 

  > "I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel but I got run over by the train."

  > "You try not to think about bananas and bananas is all you think about all weekend."

  > "Life is a series of over reactions and anti- climax."

  > "When we were young we thought drinking and driving was mandatory."

  > "Why would you do that if you didn't have to?" ( referring to any kind of extreme sport)

  > Me: "Hey Dad is that guy still alive?"

     Dad: "No, he's still dead."

  > Me: "Dad, how did that guy die?"

      Dad: " He couldn't get his breath."

  > "The only person I was ever afraid of was your mother."

  > "Jesus Christ could show up and your mother would go to the store for a head of lettuce."

  > "I don't care what you do with that hash but if your mother finds that Penthouse she'll kill you."  

  > "The way some people dress you'd swear they don't have a mirror at home." 
  > "The rich man goes to the psychiatrist and the poor man goes to the bar." (that might be reversed these days).

  > " You spend the second twenty years of your life trying to get over the first twenty and the third twenty years trying to get over the first forty."

   God bless 'em, I love them both...

Port Moody...

    I spent the first twelve years of my life growing up in North Burnaby. My parents, sister and I lived in three bedroom one bathroom house that my Dad had built a couple of blocks off of Hastings St. We came upon some financial hard times when I was about twelve and Dad had to sell the house. It was quite traumatic at the time for a few reasons. All I had known was this neighbourhood with it's friends, alley ways,vegetable gardens(people actually had gardens in the olden days) fruit trees, soccer and little league. It was my last year of elementary school so I was preparing to go from king of the castle to dog poo. Actually lower than dog poo... a grade eight (but that's another story).    

    As stressful as all this was, the real death blow came when Dad told us we were moving to..... Port Moody. I was horrified. I basically had thought the world ended where Hastings St. met the Barnet Highway. I pictured a tangle of bramble bushes, thorns, ogres, trolls and huge piles of sulphur lining the treacherous journey east. I had been to Port Moody only once before when Dad took me there to get a brick of firecrackers. They were illegal in Burnaby and Vancouver and I thought,"What kind of place sells firecrackers when you can't buy them anywhere else?"   

    We moved, I made new friends, Port Moody worked out fine and my parents still live there today. Like Dad always said," Life is a series of over- reaction and anti- climax." But Dad... Port Moody...?    

Most Memorable...

I've always been a fan of music and have toyed with the idea of a"top ten". While there may be albums or records that I have enjoyed or played more than these, the following were the most influential and have specific memories attached to them at certain times in my life... here they are in somewhat chronological order...

   Elton John -Don't Shoot Me I'm Only The Piano Player... On arduous family drives I would pray that Crocodile Rock would come on our cars AM radio. It was one of the first albums I bought and fell in love with. Elderberry Wine and Teacher I Need You are a couple of favorite cuts off this album as well. It was a toss up between this and Yellow Brick Road.

 

  New York Dolls-Too Much Too Soon... I used to read Circus magazine for my music information and their critics voted these guys "Best new band" and "Worst new band" in the same year... I had to have it. The day I bought it I had to sneak it in the house because my Dad was home and I thought he'd think I was weird because they wore make up and womens clothes. So far ahead of their time nobody ever caught up. Rock and roll at it's primal best.  

 Bruce Springsteen-Born To Run...  I remember hearing this album on my very first component stereo I bought from Simpson Sears. CFOX was still CKLG-FM and it was the time when FM radio used to play albums and count the roaches in the ashtray. I didn't know who Bruce Springsteen was but his music was full of hope and freedom and I was blown away. I vividly remember the night I heard this record and I have chills as we speak, not that we're speaking... never heard a glockenspiel before either.


  Ramones- Ramones... What can I say about this album ? One of greatest of all time, picked up where the New York Dolls left off. Again I read about these guys in Circus magazine... mixed reviews and if memory serves, mostly bad but they changed music forever... if  these guys can do it I can... but nobody really could. From the opening battle cry 1-2-3-4 of Blitzkrieg Bop until the final chords of  Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World I was instantly hooked on the buzz saw guitars, machine gun drumming, crashing cymbals and lyrical content never heard before or since. I'm pretty sure I was the only kid in town that owned this album. 

The Sex Pistols- Never Mind The Bollocks... Probably the next step from the Dolls and the Ramones, full of anger and fury and no one has ever done it better than John Lydon. This record has no peers in it's punk attitude and song quality. I don't recall exactly when I added this to my record collection but I do remember the opening march of God Save The Queen and the snarl of Bodies... awesome. 

  The Clash- London Calling... I already had all the Clash albums and was a dedicated fan but this album changed everything. I never considered them punk but this album really separated them from the pack. Lyrical content, musical styles and influences... Spanish Bombs, Death or Glory, Working For The Clampdown, Brand New Cadillac... some of the best songs ever written. I remember when I bought this record... I usually bought my music on Friday payday but I picked this up on a Wednesday or Thursday... from the cover to the hand written lyrics and liner notes to one amazing song after another simply one of the best.  


    The Cure- Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me.. I had become relatively disinterested in music for quite a few years at this time. I had heard some OMD and Psychedelic Furs that I liked but this album really inspired me to purchase music again. It was actually the last vinyl album I bought. I used to hide it in my basement so none of my friends knew I had it because they all listened to Rolling Stones, AC/DC, Doors, classics, you know. I was afraid they might think I was gay... not that there's anything wrong with that... 




  Dwight Yoakum- Guitars and Cadillacs, Steve Earle- Guitar Town... For me these two records go hand in hand. I had listened to country music a fair bit when I was younger but had grown increasingly distant from it. They came out about the same time and I have played  these to death over the years. It's kind of funny because I  was listening to these two albums while I was listening to The Cure Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me.


   New Order- Substance... Again I hadn't purchased any music for a couple of years but I was working at a pub at the time and the guy that did the cleaning would play this in the morning while I was doing the cash... thought it was amazing. I was always a fan of dance music but I simply thought this was some of the best music I had ever heard... absolutely love this...

Metallica-Black Album... Went through another period where I didn't feel very inspired by any music I was hearing. I had seen the video for Enter Sandman and feeling inspired I bought a new stereo and the Black Album...some of my favorite songs are on here... Unforgiven, Sad But True and Wherever I May Roam. It was a toss up between this and Metallica-Load, with one of my all time spin-burners, Until It Sleeps...but I had to give the nod to the Black Album,  

Depeche Mode- Violator...  A guy I was working with at the time brought this tape to work and I was immediately drawn to Policy of Truth but the more I listened to this album the more I fell in love with it. World In My Eyes, and one of the greatest songs of all time ( if I had to pick one) Enjoy The Silence remain favorites today. 

Language...

   I am almost painfully aware of how people use their language, communication skills or lack thereof, spelling and punctuation. You would think that after twelve years of school and parents telling their children to "use their words", they would be able to string something together better than, "Like, she was like and then I was like and then we were all like... and actually, oh my god..." Thanks for sharing.

    The English language is probably a hybrid of some sort anyway and I understand texting and emailing people need to use shortcuts but I just cannot bring myself to not use proper capitals, punctuation and spelling even when texting (although I have brought myself to use LOL and LMFAO a couple of times). I've been on some online dating sites (computer dating is fine... if you're a computer) and there's no quicker turn-off for me than bad spelling and punctuation... how hard is it to capitalize your "I", I ask you ? These are basics, folks and I'm really not this anal about most things if you exclude hair, boots, jackets and pant length.

   Which brings me to the thing that got me thinking about this anyway and it's a short list of words and phrases that I always find mildly irritating (Stephanie you know what I'm talking about); orientated, irregardless, happy camper, these puppies, these bad boys,"like" (probably the most over used word in the English language), co-inkydink and last but not least... buh- bye.    Having spewed this i really hope theirs know spelling mistakes small eyes or punctuation errors in this blawg ?

    

  

   You can tell by this grad photo I'm ready to take on the literary world... 

Photos...

    I haven't posted anything on here in a while... writers block ? Can't be I'm no writer, but I am kind of dimwitted and lazy. A good friend of mine, let's call him "Dave", was nice enough to buy me the new Nikon D40 for Christmas so I've taken up "photography" as a "hobby". I've never had a camera in my life until a few months ago when I purchased a Canon PowerShot A560 off of the shopping channel and  discovered I quite enjoyed it. This brings me to today when another good friend of mine, let's call her "Stephanie", suggested I post some of my "photos" on my "blog"...  I'm probably no photographer either...




























  Hey Stephanie, I was talking to you on the phone when I took the last one... Honk If You're A Knob photo credit... sort of. 

It Was Stinky..

    I work in the construction business as a painting contractor, new houses mostly but this morning I started a small home renovation. The carpenter had installed some fancy columns, door jambs, crown moldings and baseboards in the front entry. It was my first day on this job and after loading my tools in I started filling nail holes and caulking the gaps in the trim (not exactly rocket surgery but it takes a bit of a knack). I had been working for a while when a cute little tabby cat named Tiger (what are the odds) appeared. He was about five or six months old, full of the usual cat curiosity and wondering what the heck I was doing in his house. He started out sniffing around my tarps and tools so I tried to make friends by using the only cat language I know, "Pss, pss, pss".  His little ears perked up when he realized this human was trying to communicate with him and he sauntered over and rubbed himself around the base of my penis (step ladder actually, I just couldn't resist that one). At the time I was on my knees filling the baseboards so I extended my hand and gave him a little tickle under the chin and he proceeded to rub his cheeks on my hands and spackle knives, rolling around on the drop cloth. Instant friends. This play time continued for a few minutes until I decided I needed to get back to work, but of course I opened up a can of worms and he wasn't ready to quit yet. Eventually he gave up when he realized I didn't want to play anymore but while it was going on I was thinking," Aah, maybe I should get myself a little companion for home."

    Tiger wandered off and I continued with my work, still on my knees filling nail holes when he returned. Typical cat he had to be right in between me and what I was doing, slinking back and forth, when I smelled an horrific odor. Cute l'il kitty had farted. It reeked and being on my knees I was right at ground zero, nostrils filled with the acrid aroma. He walked on by and I kept spackling making my way around the entryway. A few minutes later he returned, lodging himself between me and my work again, and again he farted, worse than the original. My first thought was," You little bugger you did that on purpose."and the second one was,"This is why I don't have pets."(not that I have anything against the little critters, I quite like them).

     I've had a few cats over the years, one that could easily clear a room with one of his kitty farts, but never have I experienced such an act of premeditated cat gas attack in my life and the job is just started... good thing I have a respirator.          

Second Hand Smoke...

    When I was a kid Sundays were often spent going for a "drive". Usually short trips to Sasamat Lake or into Vancouver to stare at the hippies and visit Stanley Park. We had a brown Ford Ranch Wagon station wagon, Sis and me in the back and Ma and Pa in the front. Both of my parents were smokers and I remember Mom telling us to keep the"windows rolled up back there" so we wouldn't catch cold. In the meantime we could barely see out of the windshield or breath from all the smoke. Dad would hold his cigarette between his fingers on the steering wheel an the nicotine would literally run down the windshield. My sister and I would have the windows rolled down just a crack, noses pressed against the glass sucking in the cool air. Some Sundays I would hear the dreaded words," We're going to Bellingham." This meant a two hour drive each way with a lengthy border crossing in between and the thought of breathing the even stinkier American cigarettes... yikes ! I howl to myself about this now with all the "second hand smoke" consciousness. I know my folks didn't mean any harm, they just didn't know any better and I turned out okay... I think.